How does emotional pain impact the way employees perceive their workplace interactions? How well does anyone block it and where does it seep through?  

Setting the Stage  

I have been reflecting on those questions in layers over recent months. On a professional level, I regularly see people operating through the emotional scars of their lived experience – both from the workplace and from their daily lives. They feel under-appreciated, devalued, and emotionally exhausted. They use terms like “psychological safety” and “toxicity” to describe problems and challenges that often do not derive from a single major incident but instead manifest from the actions of multiple individuals that they may describe as modest in isolation but cumulatively like “death by a thousand paper cuts”. As a workplace investigator, I am tasked with moving past their language to understand the causes and identify whether they have been subjected to inappropriate workplace behaviors.  

On a personal level, the past year or so was hard. I carried a mixture of frustration, anger, disappointment, and disillusionment. In part my emotional pain was a reaction to organizations I value and had trusted not living up to my expectations. And in part I carry the emotional hurt of past lived experiences that impact my response to current situations.  

The “aha” moment for me was when I juxtaposed those professional and personal sides of my life. It came in the form of a compliment – or was it an insult?  

On Polish and Professionalism  

I pride myself on being a person who identifies and solves problems. I also do a lot of my work under varied cloaks of confidentiality. This past year, I endeavored to address the institutional issues that had come to my attention. It was months of effort, and confidentiality obligations meant that I could not discuss the work beyond the most vague terms.  

Eventually I reached the point of making presentations – outlining the issues that had been identified, together with proposals for, and action steps already taken toward, solutions. Multiple times, the feedback I received was some version of “that was so polished” or “you were really organized and professional”.  

I believe those were meant to be compliments. On one particularly bad day, though, as I was reflecting on the pained recounting of varied incidents by a complainant I had interviewed in an investigation I was conducting, I considered the comments about my own presentations through the lens of my internal insecurity and emotional hurt. The same words suddenly took on a different meaning. If you have to call out that I was “polished” or “professional”, then what do you think of me the 99% of the time when I am not delivering that type of presentation? Am I less so in that context? Did you insult me under the guise of a compliment?  

When Intent Seems Hurtful  

I thought of that one complainant I had just interviewed. And I thought of the employees whose concerns land on my desk each year. How much darker would their analysis be than the zone I had just entered? The additional questions they might ask in my situation:  

• What do you really think of me?  

• How can I trust that any positive feedback I am receiving is genuine?  

• How do I know who is really in my corner?  

• Are you viewing me differently because I am a ____ ?  

What I am describing is the interplay of two factors. First, there is our own psyche – the myriad ways in which we construe behaviors based on our own lived experience. “I know it is discrimination because I have lived in my own skin for these past 50 years”, is how a Black female lawyer once described to me the support for the discrimination complaint she had raised. Second, there are the actions of others. The easy complaint to consider is where there are overt acts of discrimination. The situation that I typically see is more subtle. Sometimes it involves behaviors that may be considered “microaggressions”.  

Identifying Microaggressions  

Microaggressions are comments, or actions, that do not expressly reference a protected characteristic, but that reflect our biases and are targeted based on, or play to, an associated stereotype. Returning to my personal example, the presentations I delivered and the poise I demonstrated were the type of work product that a lawyer with my level of experience should be demonstrating even in a non-legal context. The question, therefore, is whether the favorable comments were a compliment or an expression of surprise based on my gender.  

As a workplace investigator, I cannot get into anyone’s head. Sometimes intent can be inferred by other comments and actions that were taken – statements that have insulted women in other situations lend credence to the complaint of bias. Statements or actions that praise, promote, or otherwise support women may be indicators that the perception of bias is mistaken. Where these indicators are nonexistent or insufficient, a complaint of discrimination predicated solely on microaggressions is unsupportable.  

Choosing Our Next Move  

The challenge presented in these cases, where my investigation did not find a policy violation, is not discrimination but rather a lack of inclusion. Notwithstanding my findings, the complainant still feels wronged and that microaggressions have occurred. There is no legal remedy for that, but there are options.  

Often the complainant’s impression arises from missed or ineffective communications, either from business decisions that were not explained or feedback that was not clearly delivered. Rectifying management practices, and taking actions to build a more collaborative and trusting environment can repair the situation, but there are hurdles. Organizations need to invest time and resources to build managers’ skills and follow up to ensure adjustments are being implemented.  

The individual complainant also needs to make an investment of time to enable the organization to change, and an adjustment in perspective. We each fall into one or more protected groups. And every day we have the opportunity to decide how we will assess others’ interactions. We can conduct that assessment with skepticism, through the lens of protected characteristics, or we can recognize that humans are imperfect, assume best intentions, and endeavor to construe others’ actions and behavior in a positive light. Assuming best intentions enables us to move on with our day. Assuming otherwise compounds the pain that we may be carrying inside.  

Sometimes one or both parties conclude they are unable or unwilling to make those adjustments. The organization may lack the time or resources, or have higher priorities. The individual may find trust is too badly broken, and that assuming best intentions seems naive or foolish. In those situations, a separation becomes the best option.  

More often, though, that is not the case. And when there is no pattern of discrimination, we get to choose how we will interpret comments or behavior that may feel hurtful. Returning to my modest personal example, I accept that the people commenting on my polish and professionalism meant to be complimentary. And while I have entertained the possibility that the intent may have been different, I have chosen to put that concern aside.  

Hope for Betterment  

In my role as a workplace investigator, I do not require or expect those who came forward with a complaint to accept my findings if I have not substantiated their complaint. I do, however, hope that they will reflect on the findings and consider that there may be greater context to the employment actions they questioned – sometimes based on conscious, legitimate business decisions and sometimes based on people just doing a poor job communicating when they did not mean to be hurtful. I also hope that we can improve our workplaces, with better management and communication, to give our employees less reason to question the fairness and appropriateness of words that are said and actions that are taken. I have dedicated my own career toward supporting those workplace improvements.  

By Tracey I. Levy